SPOILERS; DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN’T WATCHED BIRD BOX
As shown from the poll I had taken on Instagram, 56% of you believed that Bird Box was a good movie so I am here to give you 18 reasons why you’re wrong. If you read this and still disagree, PLEASE let me know why. I would love to hear what made this movie resonate with people.
- A thriller that gives away all their suspense; why open the movie letting us know everyone else died? This made Tom’s fighting scene entirely anticlimactic since we already know he’s doomed.
- Why didn’t Malorie die along side her sister? She was looking all over the place, watching what happened around her. She even got inside the house and started watching it from the window and still survives. But somehow poor old, Greg sees images on a computer screen and doesn’t make it? How does this make sense?
- WHAT CAN’T THAT LOOK AT? This changes so much throughout the film. Is it other people dying? Is it the eyes of someone who is now a creature? Is it wind? is it light? Why wasn’t this never explained? When they see whatever this is, what do they see that makes them want to kill themselves? One woman saw her mother, did she kill herself to be reunited with her? Or is this like a dementor in Harry Potter where they suck all the live out of you? Is this just a movie about making eye contact with a dementor?
- Is this an epidemic? Is this the apocalypse? Who the hell knows. The most information we get is from Charlie who has his theories and is writing a story about it, but there is no concrete answer. Its never even discussed. If it was an apocalypse why wouldn’t it happen all at once. It made it to them from Russia which implies its viral.
- What happened to Felix and Lucy? What was the point of even putting them in the movie if they have no plot? They contributed nothing and left.
- Who are these voices? Are these invisible demons? Do the creatures have some kind of ability to telepathically communicate with you and change their voice to make you look at them? Or is this just another random curve ball that makes absolutely no sense.
- Why can “creatures” see and survive? We learn in the grocery store that people who are in mental hospitals become creatures. So people with mental health issues are immune to his viral death or apocalypse. Sounds suspicious and somehow offensive, but okay. Lets pretend that makes sense.
- Looking at these creatures makes you kill yourself, but so does looking out a window like Olympia, getting swept away by a gust of wind, watching someone die. So messy, just choose one way to make it spread.
- Gary is a creature that has learned how to control his abilities to make people kill themselves. All of the survivors look at him when Olympia lets him in, they socialize with him, he composes himself to behave like a human and it makes zero sense. Also, whats the point? If his whole plan was just to make them see, why not do it the second Olympia opened the door?
- Olympia had told Malorie what she wanted to name her daughter! She told her! Instead she named her Olympia. Goddamnit Malorie, you had one job, Malorie.
- Malorie had a hard time acknowledging her child from the very beginning, making her names “boy” & “girl” not just a byproduct of this epidemic/apocalypse, but of her internal denial of their existence, which is just depressing. Why not make her excited to be a mother and lose that hope in her post apocalypse life because she knows they have no shot at survival.
- As far as we know, Malorie, Tom, Boy, and Girl have never had any contact with the creatures when they left the house. But somehow have learned military training techniques to kill a creature blindfolded on a wobbling boat and for Tom to take out half a dozen-armed-creatuues without looking. Need I say more?
- The most interesting, suspenseful, and climatic moment of the movie was when Malorie told boy and girl that one of them had to look. A moral choice between potentially killing her biological son or her adopted daughter was the ONLY suspenseful part of this entire movie only for her to say “nobody looks”. Excuse me, Malorie, you have to decide.
- Okay fine, go down the river blind folded. Sure, people don’t survive even when they look, but Malorie can make it with two 5 year olds, even find them as they are being swept away by extremely dangerous rapids, all while blindfolded.
- What are these voice? Are they physical beings? Are they spirits? If they’re spirits, why can’t they follow them inside their house or inside the school of the blind? Not adding up.
- So the rapids magically took made them land on the right side of the river. OK, lets say we believe that. Now they have the problem of the forest and following the birds, but don’t worry they can run through the forest without ever hitting a tree and magically wind up at the front door of the School of the Blind.
- They made it! They’re safe, but WHY is this place safe? I get it, blind people can’t see so they can’t look and want to kill themselves. But Malorie, Boy, and Girl, never gauge their eyes out. They can still see. So why is this place ANY safer than their home they were in? Does the school of the blind magically have unlimited resources and access to food. Why can’t the demon voices come in here? How come they can look at light in their built in garden. How do they know a creature didn’t disguise themselves as a survivor the same way Gary did
- Most importantly, who the hell puts Sarah Paulson in a movie and kills her off? You do not kill of Sarah Paulson.
All so frustrating, messy, and illogical. So many things written without any meaning, too many different ways to die, so little explanation. For a movie that’s supposed to be a suspense/thriller, they wrote a story without any twists, turns, and or cliffhangers.
I rate this movie an F.
