I don’t handle grief well. I try to distract it and run from it for as long as possible before it eventually catches up to me. When Papa died in January, I was so determined to be someone he would be proud of. I had so many ideas of what I was going to do. But as time goes on and it no longer feels like he was just on vacation, it gets harder and harder to put my energy in myself. Instead, I’ve just been dreaming of a way to mentally escape.
I’m trying to get back on the path he left me on. I find it laughable now that I was once worried that I would one day heal and forget about him. I find it hard to talk to people about my grief because it feels like everyone else has moved on and there is something wrong with me for staying behind.
I wanted to create my own youtube channel that I posted on weekly. I wanted to use my blog to talk about real things, current events, and all the things I used to talk to him about. I wanted to learn and take classes on photoshop and adobe premiere. But I currently lack the motivation to care or try. I had all of these plans and now all I can do is find ways to distract myself from my grief. The best I can do write now is get out of bed and just going to keep taking photos and writing and whatever comes out comes out until I find my way again.
