I started a new goal. Instead of figuring out my career, let me just figure out my soul. I needed to find what I was best at. Were all born with a unique set of talents and if I could figure out exactly what mine was then I would be able to just get on a path.
I found my list I wrote in 2015 and this is the best I could come up with:
- listening
- conversing
- caring about people
- flirting
My great big self discovery. So I came to a very rational and practical conclusion that I was supposed to teach people how to flirt. I’m not kidding. That lasted about 45 seconds before I said this is fucking stupid.
Okay forget what I’m good at. Let me just focus on what I’m most passionate about
- Photographs
- Movies
- Learning about people’s lives
- Writing
They all had the same basis; telling a story.
Now this wasn’t a epiphany. I found it really interesting reading through one of my old journals. I wrote this passage 10 years ago next week. I was 15.
March 29, 2007
I realized I do not in any way think like a normal person. I sit & I think about life & death, but never my own, the lives that other people once lived mostly. I’m sitting there under the sun and I realized that my head is like a storybook. Its always dreaming & theorizing. I’m always thinking about the lives of other people and our purpose. I never think about right now, always the days of yesterday or the hope for a better tomorrow.
My mind was not a prison. It was the answer. Its always been there right in front of me, but it never even occurred to me that my daydreams were my gift and not my curse. It used to drive me crazy. I would get up in the middle of writing a paper and take 15 minute walk just so I could take a break to write a story in my mind. It started to all make sense to me. My love for theatre, I was telling a story. My obsession with movies, I was watching a story. My obsession with people’s past, they had a story.
But I still didn’t know what my medium was. Do I use my camera? Do I write a film? Do I write a book? I wanted it all and I had no idea where to begin.
